- Don’t try to purchase good will with your commissary account. You’re gonna be pegged as an easy mark. No quicker way to lose respect than by figuratively flashing your wad.
- No matter how unappetizing, never pass up a meal tray. If you don’t take it, then it goes back in the meal trolley and back to the kitchen. Somebody in your pod is gonna want that shit, and if nothing else, you can trade it for sundries.
- If there’s something you want to watch on TV, learn how to build a consensus. The History of Rock ‘n’ Roll was airing on PBS while I was incarcerated, and believe me when I say that it took some UN level diplomacy to get the channel changed to that during a ballgame.
- Time your showers to correspond with peak dishwashing and laundry hours. There is no temperature control in a jail shower stall, just a single spring-loaded button which prompts a blast of typically scalding hot water. You’re gonna want the rest of the facility to be monopolizing most of that boiler output when you climb under the nozzle.
- Stow your belongings, make your bunk, and sweep & swab your cell when the janitorial cart rolls by. Nothing gets you unwanted attention from the CO’s and your cellmate like being sloppy. This includes personal hygiene as well. I don’t care how you lived at home; barnyard shit don’t cut it in lockup.
Fellow Inmates: feel free to augment my list in the comments section.