The farmer beat them all.
Came in with a crushed testicle, but he also had a plan.
His favorite cow had kicked him, and now here he was with a testicle the size of a grapefruit, and with one, and only one, wish: to have the testicle removed. It was his one remaining testicle, by the way, since the other one had been amputated ages ago due to testicular cancer.
The urologist explained that removing his one and only testicle would put him in a hormonal horror — cold sweat, hair loss (and eventually no beard at all), obesity, more mixed emotions, a cry once in a while, and no horizontal appetite at all — he would grow into a woman in a menopause woman in no time.
But the farmer didn’t understand.
He had no horizontal life anymore after all (he was almost eighty), and he had kind of ignored (or misunderstood) the other items. “Please remove the testicle, Ma’am — that’s what I would do with my bulls.”
But he did not understand that he would become a cow if his request would be positively answered. And in the end the urologist persuaded this very strange human being. A raging bull who did not understand that he would become a grazing cow if listened to —
With a grapefruit down below.
SOURCES: Joseph Maclise, Dissection of the Abdomen and Thigh of a Standing Man, Showing Major Blood-Vessels, (London: John Churchill, 1851), Plate 25, 1851, coloured lithograph, 54.5 x 37.7 cm. Wellcome Collection (no. 640789i). Digital image courtesy of Wellcome Collection (CC BY 4.0).